row, row, row…..

About a month ago, we had an interesting sight!  We got to see little bean in ALL it’s action.

What????  all i could say is:    UH-OH.  all i could think was:  i better lay off the caffeine. (ha)  LB was all over the place!  & i’m a little scared about feeling this in a few weeks.

when i was thinking of writing about it, something that came to my mind to describe it was this:    when i was young, sometimes my sister (the ever incredible hostess that she is…. and apparently always has been) would have my parents and whoever was still young in the house over for dinner.  she and her husband have always been in great shape and into fitness.  [guess i don't take after her!]       anyway…….. one of the things i remember about sometimes going over there was being allowed to “play on” their rowing machine.

when thinking about little bean’s antics, & how to describe them, is exactly that.

sit on a rowing machine and pull forward so that your knees are bent all the way.  then it’s as if LB would push back as hard as possible and try to hit its head on the other side of my belly!!!  not that i ever did that w/ dianne’s machine. 

sooooooo  i don’t feel it yet, but that’s the oddest reality.  to know this is happening inside my belly & i’m not privy to such info!  we laugh about it a lot.

girl or boy, this kid’ll be a great soccer player!    

Eight Things I’ve Learned One Should Not Say to a Pregnant Woman

1. Jesus, what’s growing in there, a Volkswagen?
2. All I’m saying is that if I were the one that was pregnant, I wouldn’t be that emotional.
3. Come on, giving birth can’t be that painful.
4. What do you mean you didn’t feel like vacuuming the house today?
5. Sonuvabitch, did you eat the whole thing?
6. You’re right, you probably do weigh more than me.
7. Since you’ll be off for a few weeks after you have the baby, do you think you’ll be able to finally clean out the garage?
8. I’ve got to go to Europe and Australia for a few weeks for work; too bad you’re pregnant otherwise you could come.

Babies Are Wusses

As mpotter prepares for the baby by reading books and blogs and asking advice from friends, let it be known that the expectant father is indeed doing his part as well.  I  have already learned many things as indicated in the 10 Items listed below.  But with further education, it has become apparent that babies are nothing but big wusses.  From what I’ve seen, they cry a whole lot.  It also seems they constantly need to be coddled.    It shames me to even think about it.

So I guess people will say that’s what babies are supposed to do.  Not true.  If we take a look at our brethren in the Animal Kingdom, they will be the first to tell you that their young better shut the hell up unless they want their life to come to quick and unfortunate end.  Piss off the wrong mother in the Animal Kingdom and she might end up eating your ass.  Take a look at Sea Turtles.  Not only do the mothers abandon their young before they hatch, with a proverbial slap in the face, she buries them, forcing them to dig their way out seconds after they are hatched; as if to say “Welcome to life motherf***er – it’s not going to be easy.”  That’s one infant that I don’t want to mess with.

This allows us to conclude that intelligence and infant wussiness are directly related.

So I guess after all of the choices of cribs and bottles and diaper bags are made, expectant parents have the following options in raising their young:
1.  Attempt to change human nature and rely on basic instinct. 
2.  Continue the coddling and accept that your baby is a big wuss.
3.  Ask yourself why you’re even considering this, as only an idiot would think of something this stupid.

OK, enough shenanigans.  You can go back to your regularly scheduled serious bloggings now.

& here’s one thing i learned

you’d think someone woulda warned me about the humorous activity known in the prenatal sector as: listening to the heartbeat.

ummmmmmmm 

 why did i crack up?? 

we heard the heartbeat the very first time a month ago at our appointment.  i guess we were about 10 weeks along or so.  naturally b/c the bean was so tiny (& a bean heart was only the size of a grain of rice), it was hard for the doc to find.

i cracked up the whole time!  and every time, you could hear my voice and insides on the doppler.  she did actually find little bean long enough for us to hear the heartbeat for, oh- 3 seconds.  (where it was proclaimed that it sounded GREAT)….  now that’s a good doctor!

going to an ultrasound about a week and a half ago told us exactly why it took forever to find.  that little bean can move!  (more on that later)

today, we went for another appointment, and the heartbeat was found almost immediately.  she said it sounded healthy.  i didn’t giggle as much (b/c i was somewhat prepared)…  but man.

a warning woulda been nice.

Ten Things I have learned thus far from this pregnancy:

1.  The incubation period for a human is 9 months
2.  Humans give live births
3. You can no longer pass out cigars and smoke them in the waiting room in congratulations once the child has been birthed
4.  The father is now expected to be in the room whilst the woman births the child (most likely the downfall for # 3).
5.  The woman gains more than simply the weight of the child during pregnancy (!)
6.  A trimester consists of 3 mesters
7.  Smoking whilst pregnant is not advised as this pre-disposes the baby to your brand of cigarette and that’s not fair to the baby because it should be entitled to make it’s own choice.
8.  Ingesting caffeine whilst pregnant gives the baby ADHD
9.  Drinking alcohol whilst pregnant is discouraged because drinking can lead to having a good time and one must be prepared to not have fun once the baby arrives.
10.  During mealtime when her feet are hot, you can finally say your woman is barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen without upsetting the feminists.

feed me

last night i got to share the news with probably the last of our friends.  that was a lot of fun!  but how many times have i gotten the question:  are you craving anything???

which is surprising, b/c i always thought cravings came around when you were LARGELY pregnant, not just starting out. in any case, i really don’t have any (yet).

of course, anyone who knows me asks or jokes if i’ll crave veggies or tomatoes.  HA.  i think The Mr is hoping i’ll crave a pizza.

as i don’t have any cravings, per se…  i have done something a little bizarre.  last weekend in a restaurant, i paid $2.50 for a very small salad b/c i knew i needed some sort of veggies.  (ok, lettuce does count!)    it was a salad bar so i got to pick out some cukes, too.  and then i saw some broccoli staring at me.  little tiny pieces.  so i added one to my plate.

and when i ate it (surrounded by romaine, of course) i decided i liked it.  i think my exact words were:  “are you kidding me?”  granted, it doesn’t taste like chocolate or anything, but it’s sooooo muuuuchhh better than cooked broccoli!!

so we bought some.  i bought the ones that were tiny.  if the bag had too many big “trees” i had to find one w/ tiny ones.  i still need to surround it w/ my lettuce, but c’mon.           do i get a full serving? no. but i get a whole lot more than i ever did before!

come on, little bean- grow strong!

still no word on the ‘maters or pizza.  i’ll definitely keep you posted!

Interpretive Reproduction

For the those who like Lord of the Rings:
Deep in the nether regions of my wife’s abdominal cavity, there grows a small organism; one created from a coagulation of sorts of various cells, feeding on her own nutrients created for her own body, festering until it is fully incubated and is forcibly spawned into the world.  We anxiously await it’s arrival, but do not yet know if it is male or female.

For the Transformers:
The human equivalent of the All Spark has been initiated and is currently waiting to join the battle of good vs evil.  As you and your fellow Cybertronians are aware, we must use the All Spark to proliferate the species and pass on the knowledge of our ancestors.  We anxiously await it’s arrival, but do not yet know if Autobot or Decepticon.

For the Smurfs:
A Smurf and Smurfette got together and smurfed and soon the stork will bring a baby smurf.  The whole Smurf village will

OK, this is stupid.

testing, 123 testing

so- it’s me.  the girl who absolutely hates needles!  the one who had to hear pretty much since i’ve been of childbearing age (if not sooner)—  you don’t like needles??? well, you better not have a baby!!

i’m the one who needed xanax to get thru some facial stitches.  grant it, it was 27 in my nose and mouth… but i truly couldn’t handle it!

aaaaaaaaaannnndd now i’m pregnant.

to prepare for pregnancy, i got my tetanus shot this summer.  i was such a wreck about it that afterwards i almost passed out!  that’s ok. i made The Mr. get one too.

so i was understandably pushing that first dr’s appt out of my mind.  when we got there, i was so scared.  it kinda interfered with my seeing little bean (and what a little speck of a bean that first time)…

thank goodness i got a nice lady who uses a “newborn” needle on me.  AND she can find my vein easily.  (i’ve got good veins)

SO:

1.  had to do the prelim blood work and stuff…….  hey, y’all i don’t have HIV!                  
2.  b/c i have family members that are facing diabetes, i had to get a glucose screen early.  that doesn’t mean i’m exempt later, tho. — goodie.                                                       
3. when i go back, i need to be tested for toxoplasmosis.  b/c i forgot to tell my dr. the first time that i have “kittens”  (maybe i’ll call them cats when little bean gets here?)

i hope there’ll be a time where i get to go to the dr and NOT get tortured tested.

and for those of you wondering:  no, it’s not that bad.  and yes, i fear it less each time. but that doesn’t mean i like it any better. 

1 down…

2 to go.

i started the 2nd trimester today.  this one is supposed to be easy.  however, i’m still amazed at how well the 1st went.  i mean, it’s just now starting to sink in that i’m even pregnant! 

i truly know how lucky i have been so far.  i am thankful for that daily.  instead of morning sickness and sore, swollen breasts, i’ve been plagued with acne.  (i have zits in places i didn’t even know could GET zits…) 

the only typical thing i did feel in 1st trimester was the feeling of being tired.  honestly, though, that could have as much to do w/ my job being boring (so far) as much as anything. 

 so….. will the tables be turned now?  will the “easy” trimester turn into not-so-much? 

here we go!

The word is out….  let the adventure begin!