As mpotter prepares for the baby by reading books and blogs and asking advice from friends, let it be known that the expectant father is indeed doing his part as well. I have already learned many things as indicated in the 10 Items listed below. But with further education, it has become apparent that babies are nothing but big wusses. From what I’ve seen, they cry a whole lot. It also seems they constantly need to be coddled. It shames me to even think about it.
So I guess people will say that’s what babies are supposed to do. Not true. If we take a look at our brethren in the Animal Kingdom, they will be the first to tell you that their young better shut the hell up unless they want their life to come to quick and unfortunate end. Piss off the wrong mother in the Animal Kingdom and she might end up eating your ass. Take a look at Sea Turtles. Not only do the mothers abandon their young before they hatch, with a proverbial slap in the face, she buries them, forcing them to dig their way out seconds after they are hatched; as if to say “Welcome to life motherf***er – it’s not going to be easy.” That’s one infant that I don’t want to mess with.
This allows us to conclude that intelligence and infant wussiness are directly related.
So I guess after all of the choices of cribs and bottles and diaper bags are made, expectant parents have the following options in raising their young:
1. Attempt to change human nature and rely on basic instinct.
2. Continue the coddling and accept that your baby is a big wuss.
3. Ask yourself why you’re even considering this, as only an idiot would think of something this stupid.
OK, enough shenanigans. You can go back to your regularly scheduled serious bloggings now.